When a parent refuses help

Understand the concern first

Before trying to persuade someone, ask what they dislike or fear about the proposed help. They may be concerned about privacy, cost, unfamiliar people, losing control or being misunderstood.

Listen for the specific concern and check that you have understood it. Avoid assuming that refusing one service means refusing every kind of support.

Try asking

What worries you most about this option?
What would make it more acceptable?
Is there something else you would prefer?

Offer a small, clear choice

Explain the practical problem you are trying to solve and offer a limited next step. For example, suggest gathering information together before deciding whether to use a service.

Discuss what the person would control: when support happens, who is involved and which tasks they want to keep doing themselves.

Agree on one question to explore.
Ask permission before contacting someone on their behalf.
Give time to consider the information.
Arrange another conversation if needed.

Be honest about what family members can realistically provide. A sustainable plan should account for everyone’s limits.

Seek advice when the situation is complex

If concerns involve a change in health, immediate safety or decision-making ability, seek appropriate professional advice. Do not use this page to decide someone’s capacity or legal rights.

Keep notes of specific concerns and what has been discussed. Ask a relevant professional how to support the person’s involvement in the next step.

Caregiver help · Parent living alone · Get help

Country relevance: Australia and United States. Updated September 2026. General conversation guidance, not legal or clinical advice.